Hiatus

Lotsa work.

Lots.

I Smell Blood

These two days have been awesome. Yeah. Awesomeeee, mannn!

Sorry, today is hate-the-American-accent day. More on that later.

As I was saying, these two days have been pretty good to me. Results are out. And with that I can finally slam shut a book that has been annoyingly open for a few months now. Literally and not.

Secondly, I was having problems registering for the new term online. And today, the hitch/glitch magically disappeared. On its own.

So I'm all registered. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Aweesommmeee, mannnnnn!

Darling neighbour woke me up today. She asked me to please accompany her to Malaysia Hall (sorta like an informal embassy in Dublin) for a meeting with the new students, and as she didn't want to be there alone (she was representing the UCD Malaysian Students Association), she asked me to tag along.

Pretty cool, I thought, as I had nothing better to do anyway. Plus, an opportunity to check out fresh meat. Yummy.

Or so I thought.

Darling neighbour tricked me. She knowingly lied to me. Cibai. She dragged me along to a meeting of new students, alright, but it was a meeting of new MARA (certain government body, sponsors students of a certain race) students.

I was the only Chinese guy in the whole bloody place. It was a fucking nightmare.

I'm no racist. I'm just saying it was weird. It was, you overtly-judgemental fucker.

Some of them stared at me like I was an exhibit in the zoo. Some were trying to figure out whether I was really Chinese. Maybe I was just a very yellow Malay kid. Some tried to be nice, coming up to make small talk and shit like that. Appreciated, guys. And darling neighbour deserted me to go make sandwiches in the kitchen or something.

Bloody hell. Thanks lah, right.

It was fantastic when they started prayers, I assure you. I didn't know what to do. Of course, the respectable thing was to bow my head through the seemingly unending prayer recital, but I have to tell you, I was tempted to cup my hands and join in as well. That, or jump around screaming Merdeka! Merdeka!.

Why? Heck knows.

It was much later when we had to introduce ourselves. When I was doing so, I heard someone whisper in the back: Tulah.. Tak nak percaya. Sudah beritau kat hang, dia bukan Melayu. Nama Cina tu!

Funny.

When the whole thing ended (exhale), I found myself bringing the sandwiches and bihun that the neighbour was slaving away on to UCD for the new students. Different set, this one. The usual, multiracial set.

Meeting freshies is always fun. As always, there will be a few whom you warm to right away, and there will be the fucktards whom you just love to hate.

Sorry. Truth.

The whole accent-hating was brought on by one particular freshie. Obviously put on, poorly pulled off. I so love posers. Fuck.

I'm off, then. A new issue of Time just arrived, haven't gotten around to starting on it yet. Night, awesomeee people.

Cribs

Hey you, you better be grateful. Have finally relented, due to a mixture of boredom and newfound privacy.

Hi and welcome to a special edition of Cribs. This is my second home away from home, the first being on-campus accommodation in UCD two years ago.


Hallway. Come in, come in. Let's skip the customary pretend shyness, shall we? Put your shoes up, we can't stand it when people leave them on the floor.


This is the cinema room. We like to entertain our guests here, and lounge on the extremely comfortable luxury leather sofas. Loving the Hari Raya colour scheme, I trust? We so love it. They're made from freshly-slaughtered virgin bulls, balls. Movies aren't movies at all without the kickass hundred-inch plasma flat screen, no? I'm sure you notice the hundreds of DVDs on the mantelpiece as well. We're real movie buffs, that we are. Yes, yes.


This is the formal dining quarter. We often have dinner parties of more than ten or so guests. This area also serves as storage space for the vacuum cleaner (you can see it sticking out). Smart usage of space, people. Waste not. The huge trolley on the right (you can see a sandwich maker on it) is our bar. We stock hundreds of different vintages there along with the usual spirits. As you can see, we spoil our guests to no end.


This is where the maid spends most of her time. We have a full-time live-in cook and housekeeper. We just fired her though, as you can see, she hasn't been throwing out the thrash. We'd show you the fridge, but it's empty as of now. Also due to the lazy maid. It was wise to let her go, very wise. Hrmm, yes.


This is where the magic happens. The magic almost always means the latest issue of Esquire and a toilet roll. Ha. Ha. When I'm not resting on the thousand-threadcount sheets, I like to pretend and pore over the numerous books and folders. I do so enjoy the intellectual image. It's hard work pretending, I assure you. The Vitruvian on the wall is authentic, it was a gift from Da Vinci's great-granddaughter. She was one fine piece of ass.


This is the shitter. Notice the unending supply of toilet rolls. The toiletries are not mine. I don't know who they belong to. As I exude insane amounts of machismo (it will blow your mind), I only use a bar of soap. Roar. Roar.


And finally, a tour of our palatial home will not be complete without my place of worship. This is the altar of David the gay squirrel. He's rather famous, I'm sure you've heard of him before. All hail, don't play play. Amen.

I'd like to show you to the garage, where my extensively pimped-out Range Rover, Porsche 911 Carrera GT3 and the 760Li are kept warm. But I uh, can't seem to find the keys right now. Yes, that's it. Can't bloody well seem to locate them buggers. Raincheck, then.

Right; that concludes the tour. I'd say thanks for coming, but I'm rather relieved that you're leaving. Ding ding dinggg.

***
Classes are starting on Tuesday. I actually am looking forward to it. Just want to get it all over with and fly home as soon as I can. The guys are arriving in a few days time. Very gay of me, but I really am looking forward to their arrival. And it's not just because of the fags and food they'll be bringing with them.

I actually miss you guys. Lonely, balls.

Amaleh Kai Fan

Warning: long and pointless rant ahead.

Oh no. How? What colour? Specs? Interior trim? Beribu-ribu lemon.

Bloody hell this week has been pretty fucked. As I have loads of free time on my hands, my days can be spent going back and forth about the particular matter. Back. Forth. Back. Forth. Try doing that for like a thousand times. It bloody well sucks.

Plus I'm innately impaired when it comes to making decisions. Especially decisions that are (relatively) big. I think I have a medical condition. Chaocibaicannotdeciditis. My sister is starting to get seriously annoyed with my calling home.

So many decisions, and no on-site experience to facilitate them! Bloody hell it's almost impossible I tell you. Plus due to my chaocibaicannotdeciditis, I am never really happy with what I decide. I'll think about the two options so hard i'll wring all desirability out of them. Get what I mean? In the end, it's always me picking the option that sucks less, not the option that I want more.

And there's a huge difference in the two.

Problem number one. I'm never satisfied. I always want the paling canggih, if not, boh song. damn difficult leh like that. Life is very nearly impossible, balls. So, there are two options: one is all wheel drive, mated to a tiptronic, and the other is front wheel drive, mated to a continuously variable transmission (CVT).

All wheel drive of course more canggih lah when you zoom zoom vroom vroom super gila babi, but the downside is that it's only available in tiptronic, they don't bring in the manual. Tiptronic sucks. Saps power, slower 0-100 time, also there's a noticeable delay in kickdown. And the tech is bloody old. But got all wheel drive! That means can uhhhhhhhhhh sop stim even in the rain, balls.

Okay, option two. Front wheel drive, CVT. Front wheel has always lost out to all wheel and rear wheel (as it technically harder to drive). But front wheel is more fun to drive, as the responses when you push hard are natural, as opposed to the others. It's also more powerful in a straight line, as pulling is always easier than pushing.

Didn't you pay attention in physics?

And CVT is bloody fabulous compared to tiptronic. New tech, super smooth power delivery, dual clutch plates (you won't feel the shifts at all) and seven drive ratios equals performance identical to a manual transmission. And real-world identical, not brochure salescrap identical.

The latter feels more nimble and quick too, but if you want to take a corner at 100km/h, the all wheel will definitely exit the corner in front.

Which makes me think: how often will I go into a corner at 100km/h? Or drive aggresively in the wet (another selling point for the all wheel)? I'd like to think often, but realistically, very rarely lah. Bloody hell if it's raining, it's instinctual to drive like a girl. Ho ho. I'm sure most female readers would have given up reading this post by this point.

But but but but.. less bragging rights wor! Cause don't have shiny badge saying it's all wheel drive! Fuck lah. I promise not to fall into the kiasu crowd and stick fake badges on. In an ideal world, there'd be an all wheel drive manual, and that'd be the one I took. But there's no such thing so CVT and front wheel it is.

Please perform like a dream so I won't regret it, okay or not? Thanks ah..

Sorry if you were one who was bombarded with black/grey questions over the week. Final final final decision.. black. And no, am not changing my mind anymore.

And those are only two of the many decisions. Call me crazy but stuff like tint, petrol, engine oil and even floor mats are decisions to me. Respectively, efficiency/colour, octane rating, synthetic vs. mineral, rubber vs. fabric.

Tint. V-Kool's the industry leader, at least in Malaysia. But the guy I trust (cannot simply tint anywhere leh) has stopped selling V-Kool. Too many imitations in the market, even if he were honest his supplier might fuck him over. So, no V-Kool.

He recommends Ultra Cool. Maleh sounds like Ultraman to me. No info whatsoever online, scary shit balls. He says it's straight out of the US and he's charging a V-Kool equivalent price. Skeptical. I'm not there to touch/look/feel/lick, how to decide? It's very important to see what colour the windows are when the film is applied. What if I go home and end up with purple windows?

Cibai sungguh.

Bloody hell I need to be home in times like these.

Tourism Dublin

This is for you, Yu Jian. Generally Dublin is a shithole, but hope it helps somewhat.


Welcome to Grafton Street, Dublin's half-arsed answer to Rodeo Drive. It's a convenient branching-off point to the other sites, as it runs pretty much through the centre of Dublin City. The picture is of the beginning of the street. Behind it lies..


St. Stephen's Green park. The usual park-in-the-city you find everywhere in the UK and Europe. It's pretty nice. If you uh, like flowers and stuff like that. The UCD Medical Faculty is just right before the park, next to the National Concert Hall. If you like concrete building blocks, go look see.


Walking along Grafton Street.. Most of the shops are the same as on Oxford Street in London, except for a few touristy gift shops (good for souvenirs). Check out Brown Thomas if you're a brand snob.


St. Patrick's Cathedral. Only a twenty minute walk from Grafton. I don't know if you like churches and stuff, but you should check this place out. Named after the guy who used the shamrock to explain the Holy Trinity (they needed a leaf to understand God). He supposedly chased away all the snakes from Ireland as well. Yeah, whatever.


Right smack in the middle of Grafton Street you'll find Trinity College. The have a showcase of the oldest book in the world (The Book Of Kells) and it's a pretty cool campus. Aesthetically, that is. UCD kicks their ass without breaking a sweat.


Walk all the way down Grafton and you'll reach the O'Connell Bridge. It separates South Dublin (where you were) and North Dublin (where you will be if you cross the bridge). The south is generally regarded as the posh side and the north is where all the knackers are. East side west side baby, bang bang. Once over the bridge, Grafton Street continues on as O'Connell Street. More shopping and stuff. There too you will find the Dublin Spire, a pointless jarum sticking into the sky, of which the Dubliners are really proud of. Bodohnya, tak pernah tengok Petronas.


And now, my favourite place. The Guinness Distillery. It's a must, don't miss visiting the place. Fantastic; entrance fee includes a complimentary pint of freshly-brewed Guinness in the uber cool Sky Bar. There's more to see here than gay quotes on the wall, I assure you.


If the sea is your thing, Dun Laoghire (pronounced done leary) is only a bus ride away from Dublin City. Port town. Nothing really much to see here, but if you must..


I don't know if you plan to see only the city, but if you do decide to explore, you should check of the Cliffs Of Moher in Clare. Really cool place, and the only place worth leaving the comforts of the city for. They're about three hours away by car.


They're really awe-inspiring. Makes your balls shrink, no kidding. One word.. huge. No, make that two words.. really huge.

In the city, your best bet would be to go on the hop-on/hop-off bus tours. They bring you almost everywhere worth visiting, pretty good value as well. Remember to carry student identification as student discounts can be had almost everywhere.

And of course, Ireland isn't really Ireland without the pubs. Off Grafton Street is the infamous Temple Bar, a stretch of nothing but grog and occasional violence. Must see.

Give me a call when you're here, if I'm not stuck in some hospital somewhere I'll definitely meet up and try to layan you and your friends, heh.