Ramblings

Let me warn you in advance. There will be no structure to this. Think of it as me thinking aloud. My thoughts translated to words, although I doubt I'll be able to do the freaking storm in my head justice.

My sister was supposed to come to Dublin. She was supposed to come and tend to her lil' brother as he slogs through his resits. And after he was done slogging, they were supposed to travel together. To where, we'll never know now, will we?

In light of the recent terrorist activities, that plan is one that will have to be binned. Till when? God knows. Indefinitely, maybe.

I'm kinda disappointed.

I could have used the company. Why do I feel so selfish as I type? Fuck knows. My sister says I only bother when I'm all ruffled up, shaken and stirred. When I'm happy, I couldn't care less about family. Which is true, once I really think about it.

Damn I have issues. Solve yourselves, why can't you?

The examination schedule has been changed. It used to be 9th, 12th and 16th. Which was pretty good. Nicely spread out, just enough time for last minute revisions. But fuck that, luck's never on my side, is it? It's now 12th, 16th and 17th. Which kinda unsettles me, as the paper on the 17th is slow sweet murder.

I'm kinda disappointed.

I seem to bring out the worst in people. The very hidden, deep down worst. After careful consideration, I think it is not so much as to what I say, but rather how I say it. Not to say that what I have say is fantastic in the first place, but coupled with how I say what I want to say, I just manage to blow the whole thing to fucking shreds. You with me on what I'm trying to say?

I'm sorry. I really am. What I thought I knew turned out to be so wrong it's almost laughable. I meant no harm, I mean no harm. I don't know what to do, how to do it, what to say, how to say it almost all the time. What comes out in the end is a mediocre, feeble attempt, that more often than not succeeds in fucking up everything.

I'm far from being even right, and for that, I'm kinda disappointed. I have no right to request for a shred of past normalcy, that I know.

I'm kinda disappointed.

One of my classmates is having a get together later at her new apartment. She wants people to warm her new house. Should I, or should I not? I dread what's imminent.

"Hey man, why are you back in Dublin so soon? Do you have resits as well?"

Damn you, bitch pride. You have cost me. And you still will. I need to beat the fucking pulp out of you.

Will I be able to? If I'm not, I'll be -yes, you guessed right- kinda disappointed.

Love

..thy neighbour, God said. He definitely knew what he was talking about.

The days have been dull. Am uninspired, tired and bored all at the same time. The monotony of my day(s) was unceremoniously broken at dinner. It was a welcome interruption. Very much so.

Aisyah, who lives downstairs, invited me over for food. We were both starved of human attention. It was great.


The neighbour, slaving. Thanks loads.


She made chicken curry. From scratch. I can't make chicken curry. From scratch.


The curry was complimented by roti canai. Not from scratch, but nonetheless fantastic.

Thanks, Aisyah. You made my day. You have no idea how much it meant to me. You're my malaikat. Bidadari. Whatever.

Sectumsempra!

Harry's a pothead and the prince is a chap cheng. I'm feeling kind today, so there will be no spoilers.



It's been eight years since I first read The Philosopher's Stone. Having finished the second-to-last book minutes ago, I have to say I'm disappointed.

It was darker, yes, but there were not any fireworks. Is it just me, or did the fun stop with The Prisoner of Azkaban?

The saga concludes in two years' time. It started with me beginning high school, it will end with me graduating college.

Freaky.

Penang

Is changing at a rapid pace. I got lost more than once, trying to navigate the streets. When the old mates congregate, one topic of discussion that never fails to come up is the future, location-wise.

What are you going to do after you graduate? Where? Will you come back home? To Penang?

Wherever the ching-a-ling takes me, I'm definitely coming back. Mark my words, I'll be back. Eventually. For sure.

Pictures that have been in my phone for the last two months..


Hazy. View from my old place. I'm gonna miss the area. Goodbye Gelugor. I'll drop by.


'Hillside Famous Ah Soon Char Koay Teow'. I'm forced to shift from the comfort of Toto Cafe in Island Glades to this. The char koay teow doesn't taste half bad. And it doesn't hurt that the place is so close by. Fags are always gonna be a few seconds away! Yahoo.


The famous DeSalvo, over drinks in the kopi tiam behind Free School. Alas, he has long escaped the blogging bug's bite, to my (and I'm sure, many others) dismay.


Dr. Sotong @ Larry Loo. Is currently being shaken up and ruffled in Dundee. All the best, banana man. Dublin is just an hour's flight away.


Sotong Junior @ Larry's little brother. Over kerang and Carlsberg. You smoke too much, man. Slow down.


Eugene, trying to catch the eye of a hot waitress in Sega's. Damn we didn't manage to get her name. Good luck to you and Kah Siang, remember my Evo 9 when you guys make it big.


Tesco the stray cat, who's so smart she knows how to operate the elevator. She keeps coming up the the twelfth floor. What for, I don't know. She keeps trying to come into the old place.


Easily distracted/satisfied. Tesco eating fish. I gave her milk as well, okay?

I miss home, for the first time ever. I never felt this way before, even when I came to Dublin for the first time two-or-so years ago.

Gaping Hole

I feel as if I've fallen into one.

I'm feeling so very low. I haven't felt this bad since.. I can't even remember.

Am back in Dublin after two months of blissful familiarity. Wait, check that. The blissful part calls for some review. It was great, being home. But my time was dogged. Oh-so-dogged by my results.

Before they came out, I couldn't stop thinking about them: Did I do well? Did I fuck up the clinical diagnoses? Did I..?

After they came out, I still couldn't stop thinking about them: Fuck, I have to go back soon. Fuck, a month. Fuck, a week. Fuck, two days.

And now I'm back. Arrived in Dublin at eight this morning. Spent the whole day cleaning the house, doing laundry, getting groceries, fuck like that.

I have always relished the absence of my housemate. But not today. I'm craving for contact with someone. Anyone at all. The silence is so fucking loud my ears hurt. Do you know what I mean? The immense ringing that comes with total silence?

One has got to deal, no?

And deal I shall try. No. And deal I must.

Will this mark the reinstatement of post regularity? I hope so. Since there is no one, I might as well talk to everyone.

Have I mentioned I feel like shit?