Ramblings

Let me warn you in advance. There will be no structure to this. Think of it as me thinking aloud. My thoughts translated to words, although I doubt I'll be able to do the freaking storm in my head justice.

My sister was supposed to come to Dublin. She was supposed to come and tend to her lil' brother as he slogs through his resits. And after he was done slogging, they were supposed to travel together. To where, we'll never know now, will we?

In light of the recent terrorist activities, that plan is one that will have to be binned. Till when? God knows. Indefinitely, maybe.

I'm kinda disappointed.

I could have used the company. Why do I feel so selfish as I type? Fuck knows. My sister says I only bother when I'm all ruffled up, shaken and stirred. When I'm happy, I couldn't care less about family. Which is true, once I really think about it.

Damn I have issues. Solve yourselves, why can't you?

The examination schedule has been changed. It used to be 9th, 12th and 16th. Which was pretty good. Nicely spread out, just enough time for last minute revisions. But fuck that, luck's never on my side, is it? It's now 12th, 16th and 17th. Which kinda unsettles me, as the paper on the 17th is slow sweet murder.

I'm kinda disappointed.

I seem to bring out the worst in people. The very hidden, deep down worst. After careful consideration, I think it is not so much as to what I say, but rather how I say it. Not to say that what I have say is fantastic in the first place, but coupled with how I say what I want to say, I just manage to blow the whole thing to fucking shreds. You with me on what I'm trying to say?

I'm sorry. I really am. What I thought I knew turned out to be so wrong it's almost laughable. I meant no harm, I mean no harm. I don't know what to do, how to do it, what to say, how to say it almost all the time. What comes out in the end is a mediocre, feeble attempt, that more often than not succeeds in fucking up everything.

I'm far from being even right, and for that, I'm kinda disappointed. I have no right to request for a shred of past normalcy, that I know.

I'm kinda disappointed.

One of my classmates is having a get together later at her new apartment. She wants people to warm her new house. Should I, or should I not? I dread what's imminent.

"Hey man, why are you back in Dublin so soon? Do you have resits as well?"

Damn you, bitch pride. You have cost me. And you still will. I need to beat the fucking pulp out of you.

Will I be able to? If I'm not, I'll be -yes, you guessed right- kinda disappointed.

This entry was posted by tsh, on Friday, July 29, 2005. You can bitch back.