Mickey

Was walking by a toy shop with my sister the other day.


I used to love playing with one of these when I was a little boy.


Fulamak damn advanced right? It even comes with a little drawer which stores the cool geometric stamps.

Last paper is tomorrow. It's a practical case in the wards.

Bloody hell my luck's never been good, but this is me praying that it actually turns around for once.

I.. can't.. concentrate.

Pik! Pik!

Dedicated To The Fighter

I was stunned when I heard.

I wanted to visit you come July. I was really going to.

I guess I am too late.

I know with all my heart that you are in a better place.

Thank you for all your advice, for welcoming me into your home, for everything.

Rest in peace.

Stay strong, bro. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Don't forget, you still have loads of people to fall back on, if ever you need someone.

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Blur

It's seven in the morning and I just woke up.

Went to bed at seven last night; was supposed to wake up four hours later to meet some friends in Slippery's. My phone started ringing at twelve. They were looking for me. Shit-faced tired, I put my phone on silent, rolled over, went back to bed.

Mistake.

Just got up now.

There were multiple texts on my phone when I woke up. All expressed disappointment and disbelief. It was a pretty important get-together, as one of the girls' boyfriend is down from Dublin to visit. And I promised promised to be there.

Wah super senti emo ramble. I feel really bad. Shouldn't have stood them up. It was my first time standing them up, but it wasn't my first time turning them down. That I have done quite often.

They're kinda new friends, see. We were all in Dublin together, but in different colleges. And now that we're back in PMC, we're classmates. And they're the bunch I feel most comfortable with, I'd say.

They're a cool bunch; fantastic people to hang out with, but I just always seem to not be able to join them for stuff. Ah. Shite. Now I don't know how to apologise.

I'm bloody tired. Sleep time is all fucked up. The papers went alright, but what's next is most probably gonna be the killer. Come Tuesday, I'm gonna have to go to the wards. They will randomly assign me a patient and I'll have to take a thorough history, perform a thorough examination and come out with a diagnosis.

And it will be supervised. The surgeon/physician in charge will ask questions, tell me to perform specific maneuvers etc etc.

I'm fine with the pressure. I'm okay under pressure. What I'm worried about is my lack of knowledge. I don't know all that much. (I think it's due to the fact that I'm a lazy waster.) But I'm a confident/cocky fucker and therein lies the problem.

Based on whatever scraps of medical knowledge I know (which may not be that accurate), the cogs in my mind will spin into overdrive, and I'd try to figure out an answer. 'Figuring out' is not the best thing in medicine. It's best to 'know'. Haha.

And the thing is, I'd be there, trying to bullshit my way through, turning left, turning right, confusing the surgeon/physician in question. In the end, they'll usually be looking at me with a bewildered expression on their faces. And scratching down a very low mark on their clipboard.

More often than not, I'll be digging my own grave. Deeper and deeper. The fucked up thing is, everything you say, you have to back up with facts.

For example.. if on examination of the eyes, if there is significant protrusion, you're supposed to say like.. There is proptosis (of which eye/or both) or There is exopthalmos. Then you'll see the surgeon/physician's face light up, his lips will curl into an evil smile..

Please explain the mechanism of proptosis/exopthalmos.

Which is pretty simple, even for a loser like me. (The answer is abnormal connective tissue deposition in the orbits or ocular muscle hypertrophy.)

But.

Sometimes if I get a really obscure finding (let's say a murmur when you're listening to the heart - my greatest nightmare) then I'm pretty much fucked. Basically my mind is working like crazy, trying to stop my mouth from working before it's too late. I'll be thinking to myself: Can I back this statement up with the relevant facts?

It's usually a super big fat no in my case, so all the patients I examine in the exam setting are perfectly healthy, devoid of any weird signs. Ho ho.

But sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my head, and I die.

And if I really don't know, I tell them I don't know, which pisses a lot of them off. Haha.

Wokey, enough of boring med stuff. My apologies.

I'm really quite the blur right now. I have a cigarette hanging out the side of my mouth, but I just realised - there's another cigarette stuck onto the ashtray.

Man. So wasted. Think of all the people in 3rd world countries without adequate fags. And here I am.. wasting a perfectly good Marlboro Light.

...

I've started to dream again. Just that this time, they aren't sad nor depressing. No. This time, they're the dangerous type. The ones that give you hope. The ones that spur you on.

The ones that scream HEY BABY JUST DO IT GO FOR IT.

When I open my eyes, I'm pissed to find myself in my bed, slobbering all over my pillow. For it means the dream wasn't true (d'oh!).

There's no Pikachu waiting in the kitchen downstairs with tapau-ed breakfast, there's no cuddly yellow soft toy waiting to go for Tokyo Drift with me. No one called me up in the middle of the night saying I love you I love you please take me now I am yours.

Ho ho. I should probably be thinking about the more pressing matters at hand, like how my doom will be decided come Tuesday. But no.. No.. I'm thinking about a girl.

Story of my life.

Oink

My big sister has exams right now too.

She was playing with my stressball.



Meet Oink. I got her from some promo that was going on in Earlsfort Terrace when I was in Dublin.



This is Oink 3 minutes after meeting my sister.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Bloody hell.

I'm quite pissed. I liked Oink.

Here We Go Again

Man I'm crazy bored. And sick of studying. There's so much to do. And it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. It doesn't seem to lessen; the amount that has to be covered.

It's been raining a lot lately. Makes for good naps. Not the best weather to be studying though. Plus you can't leave the windows open.



Lotsa rain (like.. super-saiyan torrential..) also makes for a great view from the bedroom. Woo.. Cotton candy. Candyy..



Tilt the lens downwards though, and this is what you see. Newton and his stupid action-reaction second law. Bloody hell can't be too clean can it?



It's pretty bad, it is.



Haha what does that look like to you? Two chocolate crocodiles hunting for lunch.



And here we are, back again. It's neverending. Bloody hell I'm so sick of this shit. Fuck me, balls.

Damn no mood man. Damn damn no mood. I just want to whine the day away. I don't wanna sit for the exams. I think it's fucking unnecessary. I'm very able, I am. Really. You don't have to examine me. Just pass me.

I don't want to do this anymore. All I want is to go out with you and have chocolate cake.

It's Official

..I have PMS.


I'm pulling a Kenny Sia - posting random images, totally unrelated to me posts.

I've been back in Penang for.. say.. three months or so.

Only just now, I cancelled my Irish credit and ATM card. I changed the time settings on Blogger, Shoutbox, Webstats and my e-mail accounts from GMT to GMT+8.

I updated my Friendster account and set the location to Malaysia once again.

I added Penang Medical College to the list of schools, after University College Dublin.

Heck, I even logged on to the UCD website where they used to post all our lectures. Just for old times' sake.

Oddly, I feel a bit sad. I kinda miss it.

Fuck me I'm losing my balls.

Jeng jeng jenggg.



Good times. Us in our Focus C-Max rental. On the way back from seafood in Dun Laoghire, we stopped by the road so that Aisyah could take a picture of the Dublin skyline. Didn't work though. Haha.

Exams are soon. Pukitiang!

Mm Dim!

Marvin summed it up great in his last post. Exams really bring out the little yellow birds which circle your head. And force them into overdrive.

Zoom zoom zoom.

I really enjoy reading Khang Wei's blog. Entertaining like fuck. You guys still remember him from school? Never know the guy had so much lurking underneath. It's the the the the shite man. Irreverent, curt, abrasive as hell. Hope he doesn't mind me plugging him here. More power to ya, don't let it stop.

It's been raining cats and dogs for the past month or so. Monsoon season. Wondering when it'll end - so I can add car-washing to my list of inane things to do when procrastinating.

Decided to skip wards this morning. Staying home and attacking the books should prove to be a more rewarding experience. Have yet to get to the attacking part, but it'll come. It will. It better.

It's really pouring now. It's lashing - slap slap slap slap slap against the glass doors. I'll take a picture.



Whoa.

Anyway. Anyway.

Something wicked this way comes. (Is that how it went in Harry Potter? Can't remember..)

I haven't felt this way in a long time. There's a certain someone nudging into the picture. Nudging is right tho. Ever so slightly. Right now. Bad timing. But at least she's safe till after my exams. Ho ho ho.

Am in deep contemplation, trying to dissect my emotions. Should I go for it? Or is there too much at stake? Man.. I don't really want to risk leaving my happy zone, my comfy shell. Haha.

I've learnt (through trial and catastrophic error) not to trust myself too much in situations like this. To not trust my decisions, per se. I have a supremely fucked up thought process.

The idealist in me, though largely supressed (beaten to death by my exes), still hides in there somewhere. Thus, my decision making process usually consists of many brightly coloured scenes, us running barefoot over lush rolling green fields etc. etc. in my screwed up little head.

Haha. How very Sound Of Music.

I don't know. I have lots to think about.

But.. It's so bloody difficult to pretend otherwise. Everytime I talk to her, she's just so adorable. Think Pikachu on steroids. Okay.. That's not very convincing, but trust me, she's very.. attractive.

Should I? God knows I needn't another fiasco.

Huh?

I post more when I'm stressed. You've probably noticed a pattern by now.

And I tend to ramble (a lot more than usual) too.

Exams are soon, but yet I can't really seem to get into gear. I'm trying, I am, but it's not really working.

Die, balls. Die.

Spent the whole of today doing fuck all. And I mean fuck all. It even came to me watching Top 100 Teen Celebrities on MTV.

Of course, once I realised what I was doing, I stopped myself. And I flicked onto the travel channel.

Haha.

Went out for dinner with a few mates, thinking it'd help me blow off some steam.

Didn't work. Conversation inexplicably veered towards that of the upcoming exams.

Came home feeling overwhelmed and stressed. At least I was full.

Pics! Yeah, pics always help.



Traffic's always bumper to bumper on weekends. It really really sucks. Don't you guys have anything better to do? Why do all you people go to Gurney when I need to? Why? Anyway. I've always liked the neon signs plastered all over Sunrise Tower. Gives it a lil' Piccadilly Circus vibe doesn't it? Chun.



Ladies and gentlemen, I've discovered the best midnight Hokkien Mee in Penang. No question about it. Say sayonara jumpa lagi to Green House and its overpriced, totally underwhelming Mee Udang and head on over to Hot Wok (next to the Subaidah mamak stall near Island Plaza). They're open till 3 a.m. I think, They have good leng teh too. Wowee.



This pic really cracks me up. Jia Hwei's 22nd was just two days back. Apparently, I furrow my eyebrows a lot. I never knew. Man I look like a dick. And yeah, Happy Birthday!

Lo-Bang

..is her name. It might sound a little vulgar, but it's me you're talking to after all, okay?

It's not lubang, it's not loobang, it's not even hole.

It's Lo-Bang. Like how you pronounce loh bak. Lo-Bang.

When the lo forms and creeps out of the confines of your mouth, your lips should form an O, a perfect sphincter, like you're puckering up to suckle on your mama's tit.

Marvin calls his Belle, Chin Kian calls his.. uh.. I dunno. I think he calls his baby.

I call mine Lo-bang! Don't you forget it now. I'd think I'd have hammered it in by now.



My favourite angle. Note the muscular flanks. She might be a girl, but she's still scary enough to force your testicles to seek refuge in the warm, moist recess that is your buttcrack. If you don't have any testicles, fret not.

Nobody's perfect.

At least got milk. For coffee.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Right, right. Back to the picture. Pay attention to her flared wheel-arches. Is she not breathtaking? Note how her wheels fill them perfectly, leaving no trace of waste, no remnants of unexploited grip.

And man, look at those tyres. I love looking at her shoes. See the four purposeful longkang/longkau/monsoon drains, perfectly formed to zoom-zoom on fucked-up (wet) Malaysian roads, not forsaking even an iota of grip.

Oh Lo-bang how I love you. How I'd like to play with your exhaust pipes.

Urhm. Urhmm.

I think that's enough, don't you?

I fucked it all up the other night. Kerbed Lo-bang's front right rim. Damn. Puki cibai.



I wouldn't have if there weren't passengers in the car. I'm used to driving alone, so my judgement of ride height is very inflexible. Because there was added weight, the tyres were stressed more, bringing the rim closer to the ground.

It's not like I'm blaming you guys. Fuckers.

Haha.

I have exams in ten days or so. It'll form ten percent of my final grade. My final, final grade.

God help me. Fuck fuck fuck.