I Need Pussy

Painful honesty is my forte. Painful honestly will be the theme today.

When my friends talk about me (drunkenese cock, Friendster testimonials, etc.), one common word that unites them all is cocky. Time and time again, it never changes.

Cocky how? I was talking to fellow blogger Hot Babe (HB forthwith) sometime ago. HB went to the same chemistry tuition as I did in secondary school. We were doing typical conversation, when the subject veered to chicks (I like) and hot men (she like).

I asked her what her impression was of me back then.

"You were cocky. You gave off a cocky vibe."

"Cocky how? Everyone says cocky this cocky that.. Fuck lah, tell lah more precisely"

"Hmm.. You just had the look.."

"The look? Whoa.. Sounds cool.."

"The cocky look lah.. Like you were above everyone else.. Like no one could possible interest you."

"There was no one interesting mah. What else? How else?"

"You were nua.. Damn nua.."

"Nua? You mean nua as in slack, lacking? In which department?"

"Looks wise lah. I don't recall you ever combing your hair. And you were in t-shirts, shorts and goddamn loafers all the time.."

"What should I have done? Wear suit to tuition ah?"

"Aiya.. You were just nua lah... Comb your hair, you'll see improvements in pullability right away."

"I do comb my hair. It's just naturally fucking curly. Like pubic hair. Isn't curly pubic hair on your head cool? I thought got rock star factor."

"Haha. No. Cut your hair, use gel. Do something different. Why don't you try dreadlocks or something?"

"Oh sure.. The old lady lying on her bed in the hospital will be thrilled when she sees the med student assigned to her has dreadlocks. Rastafarian, balls. I could go around the hospital, giving out weed."

"Haha."

"Aight. The first thing I'll do once I get home is cut me hair, and I'm gonna send you a pic for approval."

"Bravo."

People, true ah what she said? 'tis the time for painful honestly, hold back not, for I never do.

As I'm in an honest mood, I'd like to talk about medicine as tertiary education and its students.

I've always thought med students who drop out halfway are fucking stupid. I mean, it's such a waste.. Med school is so hard to get into in the first place, why let up before you finish?

I've seen people give up in their third year, with only two more to go. I've seen nervous breakdowns, people crying during papers, throwing up while cramming for papers. Not exactly encouraging. But I've always attributed those things to the individual's lack of character/strength. Me, cocky as I inevitably am, think I'm above all that bullshit.

Me strong. Me fucking powerful. No giving up/puking/crying for me. No. Me cocky with big, heavy balls.

But I'm starting to understand.

I don't know if it's something unique to med school, but there's a huge emotional/stress factor. I don't know how to explain it, but it feels as though everything is riding on your next paper/exam/practical. Fail, and the world ends. Fail, and the world will fall, to the ruin of all (cue LOTR soundtrack).

Today's paper was on respiratory diseases. It's the most complex system of all, to me at least. While studying for it last night, I caught a fleeting glimpse into the minds of the people who were pushed to give up. I could see, for a nanosecond, how they felt. It wasn't a good feeling. Scary. Fuck.

I'm sorry for making fun of you guys. Don't haunt me/fuck with me, please.

Medicine is not something I'd recommend anyone to do. It's a fucked up world, with fucked up politik. One's stress threshold has to be astronomical to handle it sanely. For lesser beings like us, we turn to intoxicants. Alcohol, more alcohol and the occasional joint. To forget and wake up once again with hope. A fool's hope.

Fool of a Took! Cibai you! Me Gandalf. Me take me staff and stick it up your anal canal! Cibai you!

I always hear people say "Don't do medicine for your parents; just cause they want you to. You have to have real interest in the field, or else it'll all be in vain." Like fuck, man. Who in their right mind has prior substantial interest in medicine? All posers, all pretenders, I don't believe you if you tell me so; fuck you.

I decided to do medicine because I hated math, and I wanted to do something with no math in it at all. The only other profession I could envision myself in was the culinary arts. I wanted to be a chef, cooking my days away. Syok, noh? Being from a typical Cina Asian family, one of course does not indulge in such pointless dreams. My parents were keen to have a doctor son anyway. Can brag to the fishmonger in the wet market mah.

"My son ah... He is a loctor loh! Lon pray-pray ah!"

Don't do medicine for your parents? Like, fuck that. I have to honestly say, it is my parents' hope and faith that keeps me going day in and day out. It's not easy, farming. Not fucking easy at all. My father the farmer has worked so hard to provide. The least I can do is stick it out and provide them with bragging rights.

I'm not letting my kids do medicine next time. My daughter can be a ho' and my son can be a drug dealer.

"Booyah."

This entry was posted by tsh, on Friday, May 13, 2005. You can bitch back.