I Like

..Sarah Tan. Very much. A lot.



I rarely watch tv, but a set is always tuned onto Channel V, in hopes of catching a glimpe of her mind-boggling beauty. This has been a crush that has withstood the test of time. Very well indeed.

I like you. Will you go out with me? I am a very nice boy. Really.

Time

..has been bloody precious to me lately. I'm running out of it.

If you actually bother to keep up, I apologise for the lack of updates. Have been extremely busy with the new place. There's always something left to do. There's no end to the amount of shit that has to be rectified.

Sim, you were right. Absolutely.

The farmer is away, so like it or not, I have to deal with them shady businessmen.

Got into an argument with a light-fixture shop owner today. You fucking asshole. Don't you understand the meaning of defective? Something does not have to be broken in order for it to be defective, you bitch. I hope your kids are enjoying their lives, seeing that you're supporting them dishonestly.

You refuse to refund me; you ask me to credit/exchange it with other goods. Just what the fuck am I supposed to buy? Four hundred light bulbs? You stupid fuck.

Tulan.

Larry's back. Nick and wifey are coming over to Penang tomorrow. It's not all bad.

Ten Years

The (old) house has finally secured a buyer. A Mr. Muru (with a really hot Chindian wife) is outside right now, finalising purchase details with the farmer.

I've lived here for ten years, give or take a few months. I guess it can be said everything important in my life happened whilst I was living here. Kinda.

What am I going to miss the most? My mattress tops the list. Every single person who has slept on it commented on its comfort factor. I shit you not. I'm going to miss the 60-cent nasi lemak just down the road. And the ikan bakar.

I'm gonna miss the lift as well. It comes in real handy when you can't wait till the twelfth floor. Ho ho ho.

I remember hiding in the garbage room with Kelvin and CC, rolling joints. CC got so fucking high he wanted to commit suicide. It was scary yet hilarious. Remember, CC? "I wanna dieee.. Just let me dieee.."

I'm sorry we didn't relent.

We got into the lift after finishing up. I remember the three of us standing there. Just waiting. Kelvin spoke up first. "Hey.. Why's the lift not moving?"

No one pressed the button.

Mr. Muru's wife is damn hot balls. Did I tell you she's Chindian? Damn hot. Damn.

It's amazing the amount of shit one can accumulate over such a period of time.


Antiquity in a piece of plastic. I feel so old.


Ha. Ha.


My sister's bitch doll gave me nightmares when I was younger. I enjoyed tearing it apart earlier. Oh joy.


Take away all the sampah and you'll have the world's nicest room and mattress.


This used to be mine. No wonder I'm so messed up.


I drew this in Standard 5. Sedap, balls. Lucky I'm not in architecture. I would've failed much worse than I have now. Ha. Ha.


I had a hard time of letting these go to the boys at the Salvation Army. From left: my band shoes, first pair of loafers, my lucky Superstars.


UPSR papers! Looking back, I think you have to be stupid not to pass:
Amin suka makan..
a. nasi
b. kasut
c. tayar
d. kayu

I'm gonna miss this place. Don't mess it up, Mr. Muru. Hot wife or not, I'll be watching you.

Dear Farmer

I have failed you. I am ashamed.

Perfection is unattainable, yes -everyone has their flaws- but you are definitely one in a million.

I see it in your eyes. You wonder. Why am I not as strong as you? Why do I break? You have taught me to only show hurt when alone. You have taught me to be strong, if not for myself, for the people around me.

But yet I cannot. I see you question yourself.

Question not, for it is me. For I am weak. I wish too, to be like you. But no. Not yet? I can only hope that it is so.

You have never denied me of anything. You have given me everything, far beyond what is necessary. As long as I ask, it will be waiting. If not today, it'll be there tomorrow.

Have I abused it? Have I asked for too much? I have always tried to exercise prudence, but I am sorry if I have faltered, even once.

I make mistake after mistake, but still you say not but 'Take it easy, life is such.". And my mistakes do not come cheap. They cost, in every possible way.

I told you this morning.

"Take it easy, it can never always be up.".

I am so fucking ashamed of myself I can find no words.

I told you I tried my best. You saw right through that lie, but still you said nothing.

I judged you once. I was idealistic. I now know that life is never black and white. It is a fucking grey mess. I'm sorry. I learnt that then, but I wonder.. How much is there left to learn? Will I ever know it all?

I want to.

I am sorry. Forgive me.

Chinese Eyes

"I like your hair. Where'd you get it done?"

"Bisexual hair salon."

"Huh? I think you mean unisex hair salon."

"Oh. Yeah. Unisex hair salon."

Haha. I'm easily amused. That one scene from Sepet made my day. Have finally watched the chronicles of Ah Loong and Orked, and I have to say, it's not half bad. I can't remember the last time I watched a decent local movie. Puteri Gunung Ledang put me to sleep.

Kudos to Yasmin Ahmad. She has balls. Well, not literally, but you know what I mean. Pro-Bumi issues were highlighted (albeit subtly), acknowledging a long-kept plight by the discriminated. I could go on and on (and on and on), but racism is a topic that's been so talked about, sudah busuk. And as I do not have the privilege of anonymity, I shall not risk anything. Contrary to Yasmin Ahmad, I have not balls.

I especially enjoyed the myriad of languages used throughout, and the intentional minimalisation of subtitles. If you're not Malaysian, you'll miss out on a couple of jokes. Fantastic. Also Ah Loong's mother. She vocalised our general hatred of the people across the straits*. The Johore Straits, not the Melaka Straits.

Apa lu olang Singkapo tahu? Melatah macam orang-utan! Rambut warna pun macam orang-utan!

Syabas. I was laughing again.

I have to say I was a bit shocked when Orked went "All Malays are lazy" or when Keong spouted "Cibai" on-screen. This is an original VCD sommore! Okay-lah, not really original-lah, but definitely copied from an original.

I wanted to buy original but could not find.

Haha.

Censorship, it seems, has come a slight way. More power to you people. This made me wonder, however: if it wasn't the brainchild of a Bumi, would any of this have been allowed? I think know not. There's still a long way to go.

Sepet tells the general Malaysian story pretty well, considering it's only an hour or so long. I think it was fantastic that Ah Loong died. Sorry if I fucked your Sepet experience up. Haha. Him dying made an otherwise forgettable movie unforgettable. At least for a few weeks, I think.

And Orked's hot. Call me Abdullah and skin the tip of my xiao di di anytime, if the spoils are such.

My time in Seremban is coming to an end. I've been passing time by devouring my aunt's DVD collection. Sepet, Wicker Park, Mean Girls, Honey, tons of Singaporean movies. I enjoyed Wicker Park. And Chicken Rice War.

Fuck. Pretend you didn't read that.

Even though it's as Singaporean* as.. -damn, I can't think of anything-, I liked Chicken Rice War when I first watched it years ago. Watching it again was good fun. I think it's largely due to the gorgeous Lum May Yee. She's not the hottest thing around, I know, but there's just something about her. Hot girls are everywhere (kinda), but it's rare for a girl to have the 'something something' factor. If you're a guy, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

That something-lah. You know, got something!

Anyway.

Have been exchanging e-mails with this guy from KL for the past five months. Am interested in buying something from him, but am still unsure. Tomorrow holds the answer. Tomorrow will decide. I hope it works out well. I want it very much, but the price has to be just right.

Results will be out any time this week, so every day is a bitch. I dread logging on, then seeing the word FAIL next to any one of my papers. Oh please don't do this to me. I'll be good, I promise. I won't fuck around anymore next year. Really, I won't.

Lastly, and most importantly, a very happy birthday to Kah Siang. There's no finer ADM, mentor and friend to be found anywhere. I'd forsake Orked and Lum May Yee, combined, to be able to have a drink with you on this day. Next year, brother. Next year. Have a fucktastic 24th.

*Why am I so biased? Why do I see them through shit-coloured glasses? I don't know. I think hard and long, but an answer eludes me, any answer at all. Sorry. Well, fuck that then. Haha.

Seremban Siew Pau

I've been disconnected for so very long.

Dial-up is painfully slow. Literally. I hurt every time I wait for a page to load.

First things first, I'd like to acknowledge Alvin's departure from the blogging station. For now, I hope. I've been a reader since 2003, and it's sad to see you go. Really. No one can say it like you do. Now there's only three or so blogs to read. On my part.

Fuck man. I'll be back home by Sunday. Yam cha then.

Back from where? Am currently in Seremban. Have been driving down to Nilai every night to meet up with Ben. Don't feel like going down to KL, as traffic's hell.

Once you stop blogging for a few days, the moments pile up. They pile up so fucking high you get lost in them. YZ says I haven't been motivated/inspired lately, that's why.

I guess so. I'm permanently in a bad mood. I'm fucking bored down here, and I can't leave yet as there are still things to see to.

Of Dreams

Have just awoken. My dreams have been repetitive of late.

I'm walking in Holland Village is Singapore, searching. For what, I really do not know. Sometimes I have friends with me, but most times I'm alone.

I look for a 7-Eleven. I find one. I want to buy fags, but they only have Durex cigarettes. I search for Marlboros, but it is hopeless. I continue walking, wandering, up and down. If alone, it feels shit.

I see a dingy kopi tiam. I walk in and get my Marlboros. As I pay my seven-something Sing dollars, I turn around. Sitting at the end, I see someone from my past, picking at a roadside burger.

Just what the hell does it mean? I always wake feeling down.

CC is done with the Penang portion of his degree, and will be going down to KL this Friday. I'm gonna miss you, bro. Keep well and don't feng tau. Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding donggg.

Finally went to Intan Nasi Lemak (the one behind Free School) last night. Met up with Kelvin and Gomes. It's always a blast when it's just the three of us. Remnants of schooling life, I guess.

I have yet to see three very important people here. Once I have done so, I can go back to my hell hole in peace. Larry a.k.a. Dr. Sotong - still in IMU, finals now; we've been sharing since before we had pubic hair. Irene - who has yet to come home from the US of A. My sister - who seems to care not that her super kawaii lil' bro is back from no man's land.

Will be flying down to see my sister this Friday. Am dreading it (the flight, not the seeing-her part). Gotta get some stuff from KL anyway.

I don't want to dream the same dream again.

Are you there? Do you still exist? Or am I merely kept by a shadow, a dream? If I don't find out, this will never end.

Kantui

I received a text a week back.

Hi. Seong Hong right? My sister gave me your number. Thanks for offering to help out when I'm in Penang. I think I most likely will have to take you up on your offer. Thanks again! Will call you when I'm reaching Penang..

The girl who texted me - I'll call her A - is the baby sister of my colleague - I'll call her B - in Dublin. B and I are quite good friends; she joins us for drinks most of the time.

For the life of me, I can't remember what I offered to help with. Seeing as to how I'm usually drunk when I'm with B, I got slightly worried. Kaninabu, just what did I offer to help with?

So I replied.

Hey, no worries. Just give me a call whenever. If I can help, I'll gladly do so.

My balls were shrinking by the second, whilst waiting for her reply.

Thank you. But I most probably will need a place to stay. Thanks again yeah.

Lemma puki chau cibai! I offered her a place to stay? Since when? Kantui already. Kantui. Being the uber gentleman I am, I can't possibly come out with a lame excuse out of the blue to kick her out, right? I'd lose my credibility, that for which I've worked tirelessly for.

My pride has proven to be my downfall. Again. For the millionth and one time.

I'm going to pick A up in a few hours time. Meanwhile, I gotta go change the sheets.

Shit. Kantui.